The other day my wife was telling me about a conversation she had with one of her high school classmates.
It just so happens that this lady was the younger sister of one of my old high school girl friends. In fact she was the one that in my junior year of high school everyone thought I would end up marrying right after high school. Maybe I did too.
But then I spent that summer playing lounges and met an older girl. Nothing ever came of that meeting other than an infatuation with someone a few years older than me who drove around in their own car. I ending up breaking off a one year relationship with my high school girl friend, and when you were in high school one year was a long time.
But the way things turned out it was all for the best.
My wife now goes out to breakfast and does a variety of other activities with my old girl friend’s sister as well as others from her high school class. I never go along. I just like my solitude. There are only a few people whose company I enjoy.
So my wife says to me that Deb (my old girl friend’s sister’s name) was wondering why I don’t come along, is it because I don’t like them?
My wife told her that I am a bit of a homebody.
Deb then asks well how does he play drums in front of people to which my wife responded, he loves playing his drums. He doesn’t really socialize between sets.
She was right.
I am by nature a shy person. Sometimes painfully shy to the point where it can keep me from experiences that I regret missing. I have mentioned before that I am quiet especially in crowds, although one on one with someone I can be quite engaging.
What I have learned over the years is if I am knowledgeable and confident in what I am speaking about I have no trouble with crowds. But my preference is to avoid them if I can.
When I play my drums I’m not nervous as in scared no matter the size of the crowd or the situation. I have been scared in a couple of bars I’ve played in my life but that had nothing to do with drumming.
I am confident in my abilities as long as I stay inside them. I can improvise my way through most any song and when in doubt I just simplify.
But in crowds on a social level I tend to withdraw.
Ask me to get up and speak about music or distribution or something I feel I know and it is not a problem for me. But ask me to go smooze the crowd and I’d rather not. I will if I have to but I’ll feel awkward and the first excuse I can find to get out of the situation I will use to make a quick exit.
Get a couple of drinks in me and I’m a bit more sociable but then I’ll be second guess what I said and did the next day.
I’m not a bullshitter and I don’t care for bullshitters. So I usually stay home and putz around the house, play drums and write.
It’s not that I don’t like or dislike people. I guess I like my solitude better. I guess that’s a bit self indulgent.
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