Sometimes I ask myself “Why do I do this? Why do I write, record and practice? Why do I continue to make a habit of doing all of this every day? Why do I go at this as hard as I do with my chances of ‘success’ or recognition being very slim? Why do I ‘work’ everyday at this when the chances of eeking out a living are stacked against me?”
Because I have to, without it I have nothing else.
Yes, I have my loving wife and family and if need be I would push it all aside to take care of them. I’ve demonstrated that over the last twenty six years. And I was happy to do it. I wasn’t living some doom and gloom, dread filled life. I experienced many wonderful moments and don’t regret anything that I did.
But now it’s my time again.
I’ll always be there for my wife. She is not a demanding woman. Besides I can think of no one else with whom I would want to share the joy and excitement of my journey. Whether it be success or failure she will be right there beside me.
I think about why I work at music and drumming when I am sitting at my kit working on basic rudiments to improve my technique. I think what is the end game in all of this?
I’m 58 years old, I don’t play in a band and yet here I sit night after night doing this.
I do it because it feels right.
I’ll sit up until one in the morning writing a song when everyone else is in bed and then get up the next morning and go right back to working on the song. I’ll spend the next few days listening to it, liking parts, hating parts and coming up with changes. And I think why did I spend hours on this when no one or maybe one or two people will ever listen to this song?
I do it because I have to, because it feels right.
It’s all that I have, without it I have no other passions.
Yes I passionately love my wife and family and without them there would be no meaning to what I do. But there is a piece of me, a piece that I denied for a long time and to deny it the rest of my life would be a sin. (Read Matthew 25:13-30)
Again why do I continue to work on this without any real prospect of any of my works going beyond the steps of my basement?
Because I have to, I must.
© Otis P Smith and About the Groove, 2016. Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this blog’s author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Otis P Smith and About the Groove with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.