Ode to the Cat Lady

There was a lady down the road

Who had five hundred cats

All the mice for miles around

Said that’s now where it’s at

The children laughed, the people prayed

The workers were appalled

To find that they had eaten her

Right where she took a fall

The town it did not care to know

About her final weakness

They were glad to just be rid

Of such a smelly freakness

Every Sunday they march to church

To confess each other’s sins

Never did they talk about

The evils from within

Gerald the lawyer, a family man

Preyed upon young boys

William the mayor and magistrate

Used ladies as his toys

Miss Clarice the fine schoolmarm

Could not stay off her back

Pastor Robert and Rabbi Saul

Said “Get me some of that”

Samuel the baker with dough stuck hands

Possessed a trio of wives

Ronald the butcher with bloody knife

Possessed and took three lives

Mort the landlord of the slums

Rejected cries of mercy

Marge his wife and gossip queen

Filled the town with hearsay

The sheriff and all his deputies

Relied upon the take

To keep their wives in luxury

And their boots of snake

Even the village idiot

Really was no fool

Taking secret photographs

Of little girls at school

So the lady down the road

Who had five hundred cats

Is not the reason this heathen town

Will see Jehoshaphat

They will be judged, everyone

Each for their own transgression

Drawn and quartered and fed to her cats

Who live in feline heaven

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